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The first step is to establish a rapport. A crisis state makes someone feel like no one can understand why he's upset, which in turn makes him more upset. To defeat this cycle, Chessen uses a technique called validation. "Don't say, 'I understand,'" she says, because they won't believe you. "Instead, use indirect acknowledgement. 'I'd certainly be upset too.' Or, 'That must be frustrating. You have every right to be angry.'" Chessen adds that you should never tell someone in crisis how to feel, or say, "You need to calm down." Speak in a calm, even voice.
Chessen is alert for certain words and phrases that might indicate a person is in profound distress. "Sometimes I'll hear someone say, 'If I can't get my data back, I don't know what I'll do,' and that's a tip to me," she says, as are other statements such as "This is hopeless" or "My life is over." In every case, Chessen asks the person directly, "Are you considering suicide?" Whether it's a life event, or the loss of a critical work product at stake, it's crucial to ask. "If they're not thinking about it, they'll say no. And if they are, the fact that someone asked them to talk about it will be a relief and a release for them."
Be an active listener, Chessen says, which means "making sure the person knows you're part of the conversation by asking questions and injecting verbal cues, like 'Uh huh' and 'I see.'" Another technique is repeating to someone what they just said to you. "If they say 'I'm pissed my computer broke,' I say back, 'So you're upset that your computer failed. I'd be upset too.'" People feel better if they can tell their story.
It's important not to mislead a person in distress. When Chessen is helping a DriveSavers caller, and she knows what's happening with equipment, she can reassure the person. "I can say, 'We can recover that kind of data 90 percent of the time,'" she says. It helps people in crisis to know the odds are on their side. But she also must acknowledge the 10 percent chance that the data won't be recovered. "If I don't, then I've broken that trust we've built up if that 10 percent chance actually comes true," she says.
Finally help them develop an action plan. Once you have enough information, you can help the person in crisis explore his options. The more concrete the plan-with tasks the person in crisis can do to ameliorate the situation-the better. Exploring alternatives and finding a path to a solution helps a person get through the short-term state of a crisis, Chessen says.